Tuesday, July 25, 2006

You turn the page, you wash your hands.

Today, we have a mysophobia threesome!

Touch-Free EZ Faucet Adapter: turns every faucet into a sensor-activated faucet like at airports and nicer bus stations and stuff, so that instead of actually doing something so vulgar as touching a knob that some other human being has touched (the rationale kind of makes sense in a public place frequented by lots of people with questionable hygiene but this is for your own goddamn faucet people) thereby acquiring their contagion, now you just have to stand there and awkwardly wave your hands around until you finally find and activate the little sensor----right in the comfort of your own home!

Germicidal Air Purifier: cleanses the air, and its only side effects are the ozone it generates and the emissions generated during the production of the energy used to run the device as well as the production of the device itself. Take that, future generations! We can only hope the Sharper Image comes up with something that generates oxygen and absorbs carbon as well as adding a pleasant aroma to the air and going well with the decor. Like, say, a plant. Which has existed for billions of years.

Antibacterial body pillow: prevents you from picking up germs. Um, your own germs. Or that of your spouse. Who sleeps right beside you and shares your bodily fluids occasionally.

Um.

But I guess your own germs could fester in this pillow, which would be bad. Unless you wash it. And it is washable.


Okay, Sharper Image? Just cut to the chase and come out with a fucking plastic bubble for your customers to wear lest they develop immune systems.

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